The creative process can be a real rollercoaster! On the good days, it’s easy to be positive about your work. But on the bad days, it’s just as easy to let self-doubt creep in.
I wrote these letters to remind myself of some important truths about writing. My hope is that they can help other writers too.
Dear Bad-Day Stephanie,
There is a pink index card in your nightstand. Go dig it out. You know the one I’m talking about.
Back in 2020, there was a period of time when you weren’t working due to the pandemic. The world was closed and there was nowhere to go, so you spent every day writing from 8:00am to 5:00pm. By May you were starting to get burnt out. The story you were putting down on the page didn’t sound like the story that lived inside your head. You knew it had so much potential—that you had so much potential—but for some reason you just couldn’t figure out how to fix it.
You were starting to wear yourself down. You felt stupid. And like a crap writer. On one of the toughest days, you called your Mom. She listened while you cried and told her all about how you were feeling. She said a lot of helpful things during that phone call, but one of them stuck out to you. You quickly wrote it down on a neon pink notecard so that you wouldn’t forget it.
This is what she said:
“You are a writer…and you are a lot of other things too.”
Here is the thing about Dreams. They are wonderful. Inspiring. Motivating. They can give you purpose, something to shoot for, a reason to keep going when the odds aren’t in your favor. They allow you to look to the future with hope and excitement. But sometimes too much of a good thing is too much. Dreams, goals—whatever you want to call them—take time, hard work, emotional dedication. The pursuit of a goal can sometimes leave you utterly drained. And that thing that once motivated you, inspired you, filled you with hope, now fills you with dread. At its worst, your dream becomes a stick that you use to beat yourself with.
Yikes.
It’s harsh, but it’s true.
For example, your dream is to produce a body of published fiction. You want to leave this world having made something, and that something is a collection of stories. You’d also like for them to be read by as many people as possible—because sharing your work is half the fun of story creation.
When you begin to doubt yourself and your abilities that dream turns ugly. You drown yourself with uncertainty…
What if I can’t get anything published?
What if I’m never successful?
What if I don’t sell a bajillion copies?
Or make any money?
What if I can’t turn this into a full-time career?
What if everything thinks I’m a fraud?
The answers to these questions exist somewhere in the future. You have no way of knowing how things are going to turn out. So they just churn around and around inside you and cause you misery. Your dream begins holding you hostage. After all, look what you’ve invested! Your time, your energy, your whole heart—this thing is your soul now! This thing is you. And if you don’t achieve this dream, go above and beyond with this goal, then what does that say about you? Your purpose? Your value?
This is a slippery slope my friend.
Take a deep breath.
First, you should know that you always have the option to give up on a goal or a dream. If you aren’t passionate about it anymore, or if it’s only making you unhappy then cut that balloon loose and watch it float away. Letting go doesn’t mean you failed or that everyone is going to laugh at you or be disappointed in you. It just means you moved on. And that’s okay.
Second, I know for you that giving up on writing is not an option. Even at its most difficult, writing makes you happy, and you’re prepared to see this thing through to the end. Good for you! I’m proud of you, and I’ve never doubted that you can make it happen. But when the journey is wearing you down, and the road ahead unfolds for miles into the distance, this is what you need to remember:
You’re allowed to be more than one thing.
Just because this is your dream, it doesn’t mean it has to consume your life in order for you to be a “legitimate” writer. Furthermore, time spent on things other than writing isn’t wasted time, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
It’s easy to get sucked into your tiny writing world and forget that you are a human being with a life and other stuff to fill that life. You aren’t just a writer. You have other interests. And it’s ok to enjoy those other interests.
I know there are a lot of other things you want to do. For example, you really want to perfect your pie making abilities. If right now you’re reading this sometime in the future, and you actually have perfected your pie making abilities, then guess what? Congratulations! You did it. You’ve done exactly what you’re supposed to do. You took time to be a well-rounded human being. And I bet you’re pretty happy and proud of that.
You’re a baker, a witch, a cross stitcher, a reader, a friend, a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, etc. etc., and all of those versions of you are just as deserving of your time, and energy, and dedication.
